Trauma Bond Assessment
Evaluate attachment patterns in a difficult relationship — 15 questions, scored results, and recovery recommendations
You know they're bad for you. Everyone tells you to leave. You've tried to leave. But you keep going back, and you hate yourself for it. You feel addicted to someone who hurts you, and you can't understand why you can't just walk away like a logical person would. You're not weak. You're not stupid. You're not 'choosing' this. You're trauma bonded. A trauma bond is an intense emotional attachment formed through cycles of abuse and positive reinforcement. It's a survival response, not a character flaw. The intermittent reinforcement—terrible treatment followed by love-bombing—creates the same neurological patterns as addiction. This assessment identifies whether you're experiencing a trauma bond and measures its intensity. You'll understand why leaving feels impossible, why you obsessively think about them, why the 'good times' overshadow the abuse, and why no contact feels like withdrawal. Understanding your trauma bond is the first step to breaking it. Answer honestly—this is just for you. You're not broken for staying. You're human, responding exactly as humans do to this manipulation. You deserve to understand what's happening to you. 24/7 crisis support: 1-800-799-7233
Think of one specific relationship. Answer each question based on your actual experience — not what you wish were true. There are no wrong answers. This is not a diagnosis; it's a map.
Scale:
0 = Not at all · 1 = Rarely · 2 = Sometimes · 3 = Often · 4 = Almost always
1. I feel a powerful emotional bond with this person even though the relationship often causes me pain.
2. When I try to create distance, I experience intense anxiety, longing, or a compulsion to reconnect.
3. I find myself making excuses for their harmful behavior or blaming myself when they hurt me.
4. Positive moments with them feel intensely rewarding — like a relief or a high — compared to the painful times.
5. I've tried to leave or reduce contact multiple times but keep returning despite little lasting change.
6. I feel responsible for managing their emotional state or protecting them from consequences of their behavior.
7. My sense of identity or self-worth has become tied to how they perceive or treat me.
8. I minimize or rationalize behavior from them that I would recognize as unacceptable if it happened to someone else.
9. I feel unable to imagine my life without them, even when I know the relationship is harmful.
10. I experience physical symptoms (sleep disruption, appetite changes, anxiety) when separated from them.
11. I keep hoping they will return to an earlier, better version of themselves I experienced at the beginning.
12. I feel a sense of loyalty or protectiveness toward them even when they've been cruel or dishonest.
13. Friends or family have expressed concern about my relationship with this person, but I've dismissed their worries.
14. I've isolated myself from support systems in order to preserve or accommodate this relationship.
15. I struggle to trust my own perceptions of the relationship and often defer to their version of events.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a trauma bond and how does it form?
A trauma bond is a psychological attachment that forms through cycles of intermittent reinforcement — alternating periods of abuse and reward. The unpredictability creates a powerful neurological dependency similar to addiction. This assessment measures 15 indicators of trauma bonding across emotional, behavioral, and cognitive dimensions.
How is the trauma bond assessment scored?
Each of the 15 questions is scored from 0 (Not at all) to 4 (Almost always), giving a maximum score of 60. Scores 0-25 indicate a low trauma bond, 26-50 moderate, and 51-60 strong. Each tier includes specific recovery milestones and professional recommendations.
Can trauma bonds be broken?
Yes — trauma bonds can be broken, but it typically requires professional support, time, and intentional effort. The process involves recognizing the pattern, establishing safety, processing grief, and rebuilding trust in your own perceptions. Our assessment provides tier-specific recovery milestones to guide this process.
Should I take this assessment more than once?
Yes — we recommend retaking the assessment every 30 days to track your recovery progress. Your score may fluctuate, especially in the early stages, and that is normal. Consistent downward movement over time indicates the bond is loosening.
Is this a clinical diagnosis?
No — this assessment is an educational tool designed to help you understand attachment patterns in difficult relationships. It is not a substitute for professional evaluation. If your score indicates a moderate or strong trauma bond, we strongly recommend working with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse or complex trauma.
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